


Wrong Comment

by Girl_who_talks_with_trees



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anorexia, Cold, Coughing, Eating Disorders, Fainting, Fever, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, Starvation, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-08-04 19:49:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16353116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girl_who_talks_with_trees/pseuds/Girl_who_talks_with_trees
Summary: Billy is a bully, but one day he goes too far. When he see how bad he had broken Steve he tries to help him get throught his nightmare.





	1. Chapter 1

Billy had always bullied Steve at school. From the first moment they met it was like a war had become. Sometime Steve snapped and they fought; but more often he just let it pass, this behaviour made Billy even angrier so it always ended with the bigger guy beating Steve to a pulp. One Thursday, during basketball practice, Steve was trying to steal the ball from Billy, but without success, usually he could manage to rob it at least five times per play. He was tired, the day before he had to wait for the kids to finish their D&D session. He had stayed all time in his car studying and doing homework till late, just to find out that the shit heads had decided to pass the night there without saying anything to Steve. That had pissed him off a bit, it was like he was just a cabman for them. 

Billy was showing no mercy today, he had already thrown him on the ground three times, when he made a strange comment:

“Have gained weight princess, that you are so slow ?” He laughed. This took him by surprise, Steve wasn’t overweight nor slim, he was normal, but he had never thought about it. Billy showed him down for the fourth time.

“You are too fat for my team !” He said in a more threatening voice with a serious smirk on his face. 

When the coach whistled the end of the training session, all the boys went to shower. Steve didn’t liked to shower with them any more from the arrive of Billy, so he just started to change himself, when he heard Billy and Tommy talking out loud about him :

“If I was fat and slow as him, I would have killed myself !” Tommy had said causing the whole team to laugh.

“Yeah me too !” Billy had said amused. 

Those words stuck in Steve mind. He was petrified, he didn’t even finished to change and ran out with just his shorts on. He climbed on his car and started to drive home as fast as he could. He parked his car in a messy way and entered his always empty, big house. The first thing he did was going to his parent’s bedroom where his mother put a big mirror where he could see himself for entire. He stared at his reflexion for an infinite time, then suddenly he started to cry. He hated himself so much, he was good at nothing. He had no friends, no love, nobody wanted him near. He needed to lose weight so he could make friends and be cool again, be accepted again. 

That night he just did exercise in the house without even thinking to eat something.

In the morning he felt exhausted, but he had decided to lose weight and become slim, so he skipped breakfast and went to school by foot even if it was pretty long as a walk. It was hard to concentrate on lessons with nothing in the stomach, eventually he made it to lunch time. 

At the canteen was a struggle to find something healthy and maybe without calories, so he opted for a bottle of water. He seated in a corned alone, he started to read a book that his English professor wanted them to recap. While he was starting the third chapter, Billy Hargrove himself passed in front of him with a full of food tray, eyeing what he was doing. Then he started to laugh hard.

“Ah ah ah ah ah ! Right Princess maybe not eating would do with your fat !” Steve now was tired and pissed and his patience was running low.

“Don’t worry Hargrove, my Fat won’t be a problem anymore for the team !” He snapped, Billy just smirked even more. Then he went to a table on the other side, with all his diching friends, that greeted him as an hero.

Steve thought he were going to explode and kill that bastard with his nailed bat that he always carried around in his bag. He felt protected with it.

Practice was like an annihilation camp for Steve, his body ached all over and he was really on the verge to pass out. He was moving and trying to do his best because it burned more fat and because Billy was always on his neck.

At the end of the session every boy went to shower, instead he went on the camp outside for doing some shoot and get better at dribbling while moving around avoiding invisibles players. When the other came out of the gym, they all laughed. Billy just watched a bit intrigued. 

At the sunset he finally stopped. He arrived home with the dark, all drenched in sweat because the showers were already close at school. He washed himself and then went straight to sleep, the thought of having dinner disgusted him even more than his stomach fits of pain. Luckily tomorrow was Saturday and he could sleep and exercise as much as he wanted.

He woke up around 11:30, he was so hungry so he opted for a green apple. He was afraid to look at himself in every mirroring surface that could make him see his fat body. He studied for all the day, his homework took him more than the usual. When it was late in the afternoon he finished them all and, since there was still some light, he decided to go out for a run. He ran without pausing, till he was dark. He reached the other side of Hawkins. When he was running back home, he passed in front of an house where probably there was a party going on. As he passed over it he found himself in front of Billy Hargrove. Billy recognised Steve immediately.

“What we have here ?” He said with a joking tone. “Fat princess that run in the middle of the night ? Though you are still pretty Fat !” 

That word ! Steve hated it ! It hurt so much hearing that, he was about to fall from the shock and tiredness, but he didn’t wanted to stay near Billy even a second more, so he regained the control and ran as fast as he could away from Billy fucking Hargrove.

Weeks and weeks passed and Steve was losing so much weight, but he had become so paranoid that even when he saw his reflexion on the mirror he wanted to cry for all the unreal fat he stared at. 

“Why I am still Fat ?” He sobbed. “I don’t understand !” He was desperate most of the time.

The real reflexion was the opposite, he could count his ribs without effort, his stern was showing as much as his clavicles, his hips were standing out with a sharp angle, his legs were so small that he could embrace his thigh with just his hands, his feet and hands seemed to belong to a skeleton.

He had even learned some tricks as provoking the vomit when he ate more than he wanted to, he had apprehended that reading was a good thing to do to distract yourself from the hunger. He had took control over everything, he had started to count his daily calories intake and he made sure that the calories burned were always more than the one from food.  
Now that it was winter, outside was really cold, he struggled even more to go to school by foot. He always wore two jackets, but he still felt freezing. He was always cold and tired, no exhausted. He put all his energy into study and basketball practice, but when it was time to go back home he always felt like fainting. This week he had passed out two times while getting back home, on Tuesday and on Thursday. He had woke up on the frozen asphalt floor so cold that he believed he had an early stage of hypothermia, in fact after the first time a harsh cough that had kept him awake all night and was disturbing the professor’s lessons. Lately everything ached, he couldn’t exercise as before because if he pushed his body too much he ended up getting dizzy and sometime even passing out.

He also had ruined his relationship with the kids, he used to bring them to the Mc Donald and eat with them, but now he only tried to avoid food by inventing excuses of all genre. They had started to notice that something was wrong, Dustin was really worried about him because he kept asking him about his health. Today, Friday, he had another practice instead of gym class so he had to stay for the afternoon lessons.  


In the corridors he could hear the comments of the other students.

“What happened to him ?” Said a girl to her friend.

“How can he walk ?” Asked a boy.

“He became a skeleton !” Whispered another girl.

He smiled hearing that kind of comments on him. He was happy that all his sacrifices were giving some results. He went early in the changing room, in fact he was alone, he took his shirt off, when suddenly Billy opened the door.

“Today is cancelled the coach is out town and….” He stopped abruptly, like he had seen a ghost. “What ?!?” He added.

Steve turned toward him, Billy was shocked and he could tell that he looked paler. They stayed like that, just looking into each other eyes, then Steve turned again and stared to dress back. Billy probably grew tired of staring to Steve’s back and went out.

At lunch time Steve didn’t even bored to look at what the canteen was serving, he had no intention of eating. Instead he read a novel that he had started five days before. Even there he heard two boys saying:

“Have you see him ? How can he move ?”

“You know that he is in the basketball team !”

“Really ? No way”

“I know man, I would die if I skipped a single meal ! I don’t know how is he doing it , he never eat !”

When he was arrived around the middle of the book, a familiar voice spoke to him:

“You should eat” Billy said sitting near Steve with a big sandwich and a milk carton on the tray.

Steve turned toward Billy, eyeing the food so near to him. 

“Have a bite !” Billy said with some kind of kindness. Steve just returned to his book.

“No thanks ! I prefer books !” He said in an annoyed voice. Billy just sighed.

“You know, I’m sorry for what I said, I didn’t meant to… I was just joking…” He offered. Steve remained silent.

“We were just making a bit fun of you man !” Billy tried to justify himself.

“You know what ?” Steve looked Billy in the eyes. “It’s strange when you don’t call me Fat !” Billy was visibly shocked.

“I…” He tried, but Steve had already closed his book and was getting up.

“Enjoy your lunch !” He said starting to walk away, when a warm and strong hand grabbed his wrist. Billy was shocked to feel the coldness and the thinness of Steve arm. It was wrong.

“Wait ! I- I don’t know what to do. You are a mere skeleton …” Billy couldn’t go on so Steve grabbed violently the sandwich. He took a bite of it and tossed Billy’s lunch back on the plate.

“I’m not sick a s you think ! Now on leave me alone !” He walked away to the only place he could do his things in peace. That bite was already starting to came out as the sweat from the sensation of having something in his stomach, Steve had to put a hand on his mouth to prevent himself from puking in public. Eating lately seemed impossible, like his body was rejecting every food he shallowed down, plus his stomach hurt bad always, specially when he tried to sleep. 

At the table Billy was watching him with a worried expression, Steve was walking to the bathroom. Billy wasn’t stupid and he wanted to arrive at the bottom of the situation as soon as possible.

Steve carefully closed the toilet, he leaned on the door and a smirk escaped him. He looked to the water closet.

“Hello my dear friend !” He whispered. Then he kneeled down and bending dis body he started to shove his two fingers into his throat. The gagging was like natural for him now. 

Meanwhile Billy had approached the bathroom door. He entered the place.

“Harrington are you here ?” He asked. He leaned on a toilet door. 

“Harrington ? Are you in there ? Then he heard a coughing sound from it. Billy known what was going on inside it, so he started to shout and banging the door.

“Steve ! Steve ! Open up !” The door wouldn’t open.

“Fuck !” He swore as he heard more coughing. He started to turn in crazy ways the doorknob. With a click the door finally opened. What Billy saw, scared him: Steve was bended over the toilet, throwing out his soul. His loose shirt let see all his back bones and his ribs. He was coughing hard and his body trembled at each jolt. Billy put one hand on Steve’s shoulder, at the contact the poor boy jolted even more.

“Steve, are you ok ?” Billy asked. Steve could only finish to gag and cough.

“I’m sorry ! This is all my fault !” Billy said with sadness, sitting behind the sick boy. 

When he finished, Steve couldn’t even muster the energy to turn around to see Billy’s concerned expression. He was so exhausted that he passed out completely. Billy, feeling that Steve had went still, took the falling boy to prevent him from hurting himself. Steve was so light and fragile.

“Steve !!” When the boy didn’t answered, he took him in his arms and raised him, feeling how small he felt.

“Come on, I’ll take you home”

Billy walked out of the school, nobody notice them because lessons had already started, he gathered all Steve stuff. Sadly he noticed that Steve’s car was missing from the parking lot, probably Steve just decided to walk for more exercise. He carefully laid down the boy on the back seat of his Camaro and then he started to drive. He had learned Steve’s house position by Tommy, the guy had been friend with Steve for some years.

When he pulled in the yard he was a bit surprised by the dimension of the house. It was pretty big with a pool too. He searched the keys in Steve’s bag then he took the boy with his arms and went inside the building.

Inside it felt empty and lonely, It was all tidy and clean. He took the sick boy on the sofa in the living room. Steve didn’t showed any signs of waking up. Billy was starting to get apprehensive, his breath was shallow and slow, but constant. He decided to leave Steve there to rest some more while he went to discover the house.

The kitchen seemed untouched in years. In the fridge he found just one green apple and two eggs. Then he climbed the stairs and opened doors, the first must have been an host bedroom because there wasn’t any sign of living. The second was probably his parent’s bedroom, with more furniture; as he was about to close the door, a thing catch his eyes. It was a big mirror, on top of it there was a white paper with written on it in a scratching way the word FAT. Billy could only clench his teeth, this made him angry. Probably now he was standing where Steve looked at himself and cried for what he saw as his reflex. 

Billy took the paper and ripped it and crumple the pieces. He practically ran out of the room, slamming the door violently. He opened the next one, the room was barren, but it was obvious that it was Steve’s room. The bed was undone, there were tons of books and the window was half open. A cold breeze blown into Billy’s face, he went to close it. On the desk there was a knife and a belt, looking more closely he could see that Steve had tried to do some new hole in the belt. He was so skinny that he had to pierce it for hold up his jeans.

He went out of the room, only to find Steve panting at the top of stairs with a nailed bat, which he had probably dragged all way up. 

“Hargrove ? What – are – you” He breathed hard. “Doing – here ?” Billy could tell that Steve was exhausted from the effort of climbing the stairs, he was leaning on the handrail and he bet that Steve would have fall down without its support.

“Oh you don’t remember. You passed out at school, in the bathroom, and I took you home” Steve paled at the word bathroom.

“Get – out !” Steve said.

“Harrington please…”

“Get – out !”

“I know what you are doing. Don’t try to deny it, I saw you in the toilet, I’m not stupid”

“Get – out ! Or I’ll hit you !” Steve tried to raise the bat, but it was obvious that in these conditions he could hardly stand by himself.

“Come on if I leave you here you are going to die without doubt ! I’ll stay and make sure that you eat !”

“Fuck you Hargrove ! You have no right !” Steve tried to move toward Billy, but as he left his support he fell down hard, letting the bat roll out of his hand.

“Steve !” Billy screamed running to help him. He turned the other boy so that Steve could breathe better, holding his head up.

“Hey ! Can you hear me ?” Steve just opened his tired eyes.

“Leave me alone” He whispered.

“No way ! I’ll take you to the bed” Billy lifted him like a leaf. Steve seemed a broken doll which limbs dangled in a strange way.

“You need to eat !” Billy said while putting Steve into the bed. The other boy was holding his abdomen, then he started to make pained noises.

“Hey what do you have ?” Billy asked a bit concerned, Steve didn’t answered, but continued to cough, soon the fits started to become more like a strain of vomit. Billy went into the near bathroom to take a bucket. When he returned Steve was half hanging out of the bed with his head lolling. Billy had just time to put under his hanging head that he started to throw up water. It was obvious that the boy hadn’t eaten for a while.

When he finally finished the gagging Billy hoisted him up. Steve was so cold at touch.

“How are you feeling ?”

“Fine” He said simply already out of breath. 

“You should rest now, but after you need to eat something !”

“You are not my mother !” 

“Well as much as I can see your parents weren’t around in ages here, and also you can’t take care of yourself ! You stopped eating !”

“I do eat !” 

“Yeah before puking everything out !”

“I just felt sick !”

“Yeah in the last months !”

“Fuck you Hargrove ! Leave me alone ! Get out ! I don’t want to see you !” Steve panted.

“No fucking way ! The hell I leave you here by yourself !” He laughed. Steve couldn’t talk anymore. He was so tired and his stomach ached so bad, he just turned showing Billy his back and curled up. Billy just sighed, it was all over again.

“Why are you doing this ?” Steve asked suddenly.

“I…”

“Don’t lie to me Hargrove, you hate me ! Why would you do such a thing ?”

“I don’t hate you”

“So why ? Why are you doing this ? Who made you do this ? You want to beat me up ? Well go ahead ! Kill me if it please you ! I don’t give a fuck anymore !” Steve was actually shouting hysterically like a desperate, while crying. 

Billy remained silent.

“It’s for remorse ? Regret ? Or just because you are afraid that I will report you for bullying me ?”

“My mum…” Billy stopped like scared of his own words. 

“Your Mum what ?” Steve asked a bit pissed hiccupping.

“She died from anorexia” There was a sudden silence. Steve was speechless.

“I was just a kid, but I remember that she had suffered postpartum depression for years and then she stopped eating. My father never really helped her, he had always blamed me”  
At this point Steve turned towards Billy. He was serious.

“I’m sorry for making fun of you, I shouldn’t have to, if I had known it could have turned this way, I wouldn’t have said anything” Billy said looking Steve in the eyes. He was on the verge of crying when Steve spoke again.

“I’m sorry for your loss, I didn’t know, it must be hard for you” He coughed a bit.

“it was long time ago, I’m far away now !”

There was an awkward silence between them, interrupted just by Steve’s laboured breath and his cough fits that filled the air. Then Billy got up from the chair where he had been seated before.

“Now rest, I’ll go to make some shopping for you, apparently your fridge is empty as the paradise ! DO NOT TRY TO MOVE OUT OF THIS BED OR I’LL KILL YOU !!” He was about to exit the room when Steve spoke to him.

“Bil- Hargrove ! Take the money in my desk” Steve, panting hard, pointed to the only drawer. Billy took some money than he turned to Steve.

“You can call me Billy if you prefer” With that he went down and took his car to go at the near supermarket. 

Steve was alone, cold, and desperate. Why of all the people on the earth it should have been Billy Hargrove to discover his secret ? Why his bully was helping him out ?  
He was feeling so cold and dizzy, then a doubt formed in his mind : what if Billy had just making fun of him and now was buying himself all the beer he could with the money he had took from Steve ? 

He felt like trash, Billy was a bully and probably a good actor too. He had invented his sad story of his poor anorexic mum and fooled Steve with his good words and talking. He was so nervous that he couldn’t just lay there in his freezing bed. He wanted to exercise, burn calories, clear his mind.  
He slowly seated on the edge, then he tried to get up, but his abdomen was hurting so bad. He fell on the floor, curling up for the pain. He waited for it to pass. He finally got up with so much effort that he was sure only it, had took him like ten minutes. He took some pills for his stomachache. Supporting himself on the wall he exited in the corridor. He felt numb and out of breath, probably for the cold and the fact that he hadn’t any muscles left. He wanted to go running, but he was sure that for now it was impossible, he opted for climbing the stairs up and down, it was already a good exercise. He slowly descended the steps, stopping some time because he went too dizzy and he would have lost his loose grip on the railing. He manage to do down and up two times after collapsing on the last step on the top.

Billy did came back, he took every bag from his car and put them on the table in the kitchen. When he started to climb the stairs his heart dropped at the sight of Steve’s body. 

“Steve ! Steve !! Can you hear me ? Steve !” Billy shouted climbing two per two the steps. He was afraid to touch Steve, maybe he had break something, why was he on the stairs as if he had went down ? In the end he took him slowly, he was freezing bad. The boy jolted when Billy slightly toughed his abdomen. Billy frowned at that, it wasn’t normal, probably he had passed out while trying to return on the first floor. He was so cold. 

He set the poor boy on the bed, he lifted his shirt up to check if had something in an abnormal position. He took out the jeans too because they weren’t keeping the boy any warm. He noticed all the bruises he had on the knees and around his skinny Bambi legs, probably because he over exercised himself. He had observed this behaviour at Basketball’s practice too. 

Steve was so skinny that he could see all the ribs, which luckily were fine for all Billy could tell, even if looking at a human form reduced in a state like this was really shocking for him. His torso was just skin and bones, his abdomen was concave, like he hadn’t eat in weeks. When he touched his non-existent belly, Steve made an harsh pained noise, then he opened his eyes looking in a haze state. Billy just pulled the shirt down, like he had never looked. 

“Hey Steve I’m here now” He said quietly fro not scaring the boy. Steve just couched and curled holding his tummy. He was obviously in pain because the couching came out more like someone choking on himself. What happened next scared the shit out of Billy, Steve had a fit of spasms, but he was conscious. He screamed for the pain he was feeling. All his body was flinching hard and moving like he was epileptic, but he was still holding his belly. He started to cry a bit at the end of it. It lasted some minutes then his body went limp. Steve was so tired that he was sure he couldn’t move anymore, even blinking was taking such an effort. 

“Steve ?” Billy tried to reach him. Steve could only shift his eyes to watch him.

“Steve, everything would be ok, you just have to trust me, I know that it’s hard, but please, I just want to help you”

“O – K” Steve could only whisper it, but Billy heard it anyway. He reached out to touch Steve’s sunken cheek, but he frowned he felt colder than before. It was like Steve couldn’t really heat himself up. 

“You are really cold” It was also surprising that Steve wasn’t trembling for it. It was a bad symptom.

He immediately covered the sick boy with all the blankets he could find. His lips had turned a light violet and his skin was even paler than before.  
Billy waited some minutes, then he touched Steve’s cheeks again, but to his discomfort he seemed worse than before. Steve had started to went in and out of consciousness. Billy had no choice, he took off his pullover and his jeans, he climbed in the big bed and placed himself near Steve iced body. He turned him slowly over and then he hugged him, feeling all the bones at the touch. Steve was half conscious, but Billy could tell that he was understanding what was happening. 

Billy cried silently, for looking from near the real damage he had done. He felt like a monster. Steve was awful, his eyes were unfocused and were blinking slowly, dark circles all around them, his cheeks were like two sharp cuts, it was like he could see his skull. He noted also some scars on his nose and forehead, probably even them were because of Billy’s anger when he had beaten the soul out of him. He felt like a monster who had nearly killed the boy. He could feel the difference between his and Steve’s slow and laboured breath. He was so small to Billy, like a kid.

They stayed like that for some time, Billy constantly trying to heat Steve up. Steve seemed to regain conscience completely after half an hour. He raised his head to meet Billy’s own, he didn’t moved a lot probably he was exhausted, Billy thought. He was a bit surprised to full understand what was going on. 

“Why are you doing this ?” He panted.

“You were freezing even with the blankets on you” Billy admitted. “You are pretty sick if you can’t control your body temperature”

“What time is it ?”

“Oh well I think around two o’ clock” Billy looked at Steve, he was tired and about to fall asleep again. 

“Hey now that you are fully awake we should eat something !”

“No way, I’ll stay here, you can eat whatever you want” Steve said in a low voice.

Billy frowned. He got up, dressed and run down to the kitchen. Steve just stayed alone there too tired even to open his eyes, he just breathed. After some time he heard noises from the stairs, then Billy came in. He was carrying a tray with a bowl. 

“Come on I made you some soup, and you will eat it !”

“Billy please, I don’t …”

“No you need it ! No argue about it” Billy Took Steve by the pits and raised him till he was in a seated position. Strangely Steve let him do, he was too tired to care. 

“I think you should put on a sweater and a pair of pants, they will keep you warm” Steve just remained immobile.

“So where I could find it ?” He asked not having a response. Steve tiredly looked at Billy.

“In the closet, the black one and the pants are on the desk chair” He just said.

Billy took them, but when he gave it to Steve he understood that the other couldn’t really put the things on even because the sweater hadn’t the zip and the pants, well they were pants. Steve struggled just to raise his skinny arms. After a moment Billy decided to help him or it would have took all his energy. 

“Thanks” Steve said. It hurt Billy to see how weak and sick he was.

“Come on I’ll eat with you !” Billy said grabbing the sandwich he had made for himself. “And I will stay here till I’m sure you won’t throw up everything !” Steve didn’t moved, just kept looking into the bowl of soup. 

“Steve ! Please you need it ! if you continue like this you won’t live much longer ! You are eating yourself !” 

After some time Steve took the spoon and practically he had a seep with a shaking hand. Billy watched him. He was having an internal war, and it was eating him away. His breath was still irregular, with one hand he used the spoon while the other still held his tummy. The room was still freezing cold, because Steve had left the window open. Now Billy had started to think that he had left it open on purpose, in fact when you are in a cool place, if you don’t dress up enough, you will have to burn more calories in order to keep the same body temperature. The problem was that Steve didn’t have much more to burn for heating himself, he was always cold.

The meal took Steve a lot more than half an hour, Billy watched him carefully observing how heavy the spoon seemed for him and how long he kept the food in his mouth before shallowing. Steve, at the end of the bowl, was physically and mentally destroyed. He had eat so much food, how could he had let this happened ? Billy was just trying to make him fat again so that he could make fun about him again. 

Billy hated the silence between them, he didn’t know how to speak, what to say and how cheer Steve up. The boy seemed broken mentally, he had stared in the bowl at the end for so long that Billy was worried he was about to throw up. 

Steve didn’t throw up, but reclined his heavy head back touching the wall beside him. Billy noticed that he was still holding his belly tight with both arms. 

“You can go now” He said softly.

“No way, I said that I was going to stay till you are better” Billy answered.

“Does it hurt ?” He said after a while, looking at the boy’s cringing arms.

“What ?” Steve said turning to look at Billy.

“Well your abdomen ? You are always holding it”

“No” Billy could tell that it was a big lie, but didn’t say anything.

“So … What do you do in your free time ?” He asked, Steve glanced at him with murderous eyes.

“You don’t have to show false interest in me”

“I’m not doing it ! I just wanted to know you more than just voices !”

“Well you could have done that when I was at school, when I had no friends, when I passed all my time exercising for beat you at basketball, when no one wanted to have lunch with me, when you saw me in the corridors, when we showered together after practice, when we arrived the same moment in the parking lot ! You could have done it so many  
times, but instead you choose to make fun of me, make me cry, make me hate myself even more!” Steve shouted with all the energy he had, at the end he started to cough hard.

“I’m sorry !! I didn’t intent to put you in this state !! I had never thought about the consequences. Steve please I made a lot of mistakes, but now I’m here, I want to help you get through it ! I can’t live with you on my conscience, I already have my mum, I don’t want you too ! I don’t want you to die like she did !” Billy sobbed.

Steve felt evil making him cry like this, he had never thought that he would live long enough. 

“Billy ! Please, stop …!” He was coughing so hard, it made his stomach hurt even more, he curled up bringing the knees toward his face. Billy had stopped and now was glaring at him.

“Steve ! Are you ok ?” Billy got up and touched the boy, he was pretty cold. Steve was coughing and panting a lot, it was like suffocating. Billy gently lifted him up and moved him near himself. They stayed in a “hug” till Steve’s cough calmed down. Then Billy laid him back in the bed and went down with the empty plates. After a while he returned with a hot water bag. He placed the thing beside Steve, who immediately put it on his stomach. He was in pain, Billy could tell from the expression on his face. 

“Does the heating function in your house ? Because your room is still fucking cold !”

“I – I had turned it off…” Steve admitted.

Billy went to the thermostat and turned it on. He was a bit angry with Steve, it was like he didn’t wanted to get well. Billy stayed in the room seated at the desk, listening at the pained noise that Steve couldn’t hold in his mouth. He even tried doing some homework for like ten minutes straight, but after he just started a magazine he found through Steve’s stuff. After a particular harsh fit of cough Steve asked him :

“Can you bring me a book ?”

“A book ? What for ?”

“I need something to distract me…” Steve admitted.

“Oh ok, this one is fine ?” He picked the first one in sight.

“Whatever everything is good !”

Billy offered the book at the boy, in the passage he touched his hand. It was cold again.

“You are cold”

“No I’m not !” Billy caught Steve arm and put an hand on the boy’s cheek.

“You are freezing !”

“It’s not a big deal !” Steve said shivering.

“No you don’t understand ! Your body is shutting down again and probably you will have soon a fit of spasms like before !”

“The hell are you saying ? I won’t have nothing like that !”

“Really ? Let’s see if you are right !”

“I’ll show you !”

Unfortunately it didn’t pass much time before the spasms started as Billy had predicted. He was at Steve side in a moment, the boy was moving more violently than the previous attack. He hit the wall behind his bed, with the head more and more, while holding tight his tunny and kicking in the air with his skinny legs. Steve was in such a pain, it was like his stomach was punishing him for giving him food. He was going to hurt himself bad if Billy hadn’t intervene. He put Steve down in a laying position instead than a seated and more dangerous one, then he positioned himself on top of him trying to stop the rush of adrenaline with his weight and force. Of course there was no match between the two and soon Steve was immobile, when the fit finished Billy moved away and Steve just breathed hard, moving like that in his conditions had left him without any energy. Now he was feeling really cold. Billy touched his cheek and decided that he needed to do something or Steve would have died from hypothermia. His mum had suffered it too, he remember that she used to put on a jacket even in the hot Californian summer. He just repeated what he had done before. Now Steve had really passed out, so he could heat him up without feeling too embarrassed. 

They stayed curled up together for hours because Billy at some point fell asleep. When He woke up, Steve was still next to him, sleeping and sucking all the heat he could from Billy hot body. Billy just held him closed. He could smell the scent of the other boy, it tasted good. He now had a lot of time to figure out his problem and solve the trauma he had with his mum’s death. He was doing all these things because it was like doing them for his mum. He thought about all the things that his dad had done to her and him, every time he punched and kicked Billy. He had always been a violent man, but after his mother’s death, he had become a monster, all Billy could do was staying away from home as much as he could in order to save himself from all the beatings. 

At some point Steve started to stir, Billy watched as the other weakly opened his eyes.

“Where …” Steve tried but a fit of cough cut him off. Billy could just observe how his features contracted with pain.

“I’m so cold” He finally whispered panting like he had run a marathon. Billy held him closer. The boy was really sick if he was taking down the wall for letting Billy help him. 

“I’m here ! I won’t go anywhere, I’ll take care of you.” Steve just bended his head under Billy’s chin. He just welcomed the boy’s cold hairs and the fact that Steve had started to trust him.

When outside it became dark Billy decided that it was time to make something for dinner. 

“Steve, I’m going to pick you up and carry you down, so we can eat something” He said gently.

“No… Billy please, I don’t ….” Steve started to cough again.

“Don’t argue about this, you are already pretty ill, I don’t want you to become sicker !” Billy said ignoring all Steve’s protests and coughs.

Billy just picked him up like a feather and went down the stairs. He laid Steve on the sofa and put a big blanket on him. 

“I’ll cook something, don’t move !” He said as if Steve could run away.

He opted for making toasts, even because he wasn’t really a chef and he didn’t known at all how to take care of a sick person. 

When he returned to Steve, he was like a corpse, he was deadly pale and his face was showing how much he had starved himself. His cheeks were sunken like the dark orbs of the eyes, his lips were so thin that his mouth was just a little line, his nose was sharp and showed all the bone tissue under the thin skin. If it wasn’t for the slow rising and falling of the blanket, Billy would have believed him dead.

“Steve, it’s time to eat something, I’m sorry I know you are tired but when you have finished, you can go back to rest !” He said while trying to get him in a seated position. 

“I’ve made you a toast, it’s not much so you won’t throw up” He said while giving to Steve his dinner. The sick boy held the food in his skinny hands, shaking a bit, when he saw that Billy was eating that too he just took a small bite. Finishing the toast was a struggle for him, he had dreamed the flavour in so many nights, and now he was really eating it. He was having a “proper” meal after so much time, but the food seemed not to finish at all. After five bites he already felt full, but Billy was keeping an eye on him and he couldn’t hide it somewhere. He didn’t finished it, it was too much for him now, his stomach was still upset and every bite he took was making him feel so much pain. 

“Ok, I think you can’t go on more than that !” Billy suddenly said after watching Steve not taking a single bite in ten minutes. He grabbed the toast and ate the few remaining bites. 

He felt by touching Steve’s hand that the boy was still cold but not bad like before.

“Thank you” Steve said looking in Billy’s face. 

“You cold ?” Steve just blushed a bit.

“Don’t lie, I’m just trying to help you” Billy said seriously before Steve could answer.

“A bit” He admitted in a low voice.

Billy just seated near him and went under the blanket. Steve moved a bit leaving Billy space.

“You should come closer if you are cold” Billy pointed out. Steve, after some time sighed and moved close to where Billy was. They decided to watch some television, there was an horror film that Billy wanted to see. After less than fifteen minutes Steve just collapsed on Billy’s chest. He was so tired that at some point he just fell asleep, scaring the shit out of Billy who thought he was passing out. Billy, after ascertaining that he was ok, held him close with his strong arms, to warm him up. At the end of the film Billy decided to carry Steve in the bed like he had done before. The boy was sleeping deep, even if sometime some cough fits would shake his frail body. Billy just left Steve alone in the bed for making a call to Max. He and she had started over, now he was trying to be a better big brother for her.

“Hello ? Who is this ?” Max answered the phone.

“Max it’s me Billy, I’m calling because I will spent some days to a friend that needs well… some help !”

“Oh and what kind of help did he need ?”

“Well someone that look after him !”

“So it’s nothing like gangs or drugs or mafia or…”

“Max please !”

“Ok, ok and who is him ?”

“Can’t tell you !”

“Oh come on ! I’m old enough and I have the right to know ! Plus I can help you too !”

“Look it’s someone who really needs help right now, so I won’t come home for some time and if everything go well I will tell you who it is !” He heard Steve moaning for pain.

“Promise ?” Steve groaned louder.

“Yeah I promise ! Now I have to go ! See you !”

“Bye and take care of Steve !”

“What ? Wait ! How do you…”

“Well first You are using his house’s phone so I recognised the number, second I can hear through the phone that it’s his voice ! Third he has been… like shit for weeks, but every time we asked him if he was ok he just said that he was feeling a little tired that’s all. Also he had lost so much weight and he seems always unfocused and exhausted. We were starting to worry, but he shut us out every time we asked him something about his health. Is he ok ?”

“No he is not”

“I knew it !”

“I’m taking care of him, but I think that it’s better that you kids stay away from him for some time, I think he doesn’t want you to see him like this”

“Alright, please take good care of him !”

“I’ll do my best !”

“Bye Billy !”

“Bye Max !” He hang down the phone. 

When Billy reached Steve, he was panting hard and grieving, holding tight his stomach and having spasm that moved him all around. Billy’s heart tightened at the sight of the pain  
Steve was in. He took Steve shoulders, but when he saw him in the face Steve said simply :

“I’m – going – to – puke”

Luckily the bucket was near the bed so Billy had just to hold Steve torso while he sickly thrown up the toast he had ate not long before. It was painful having to spew after provoking the vomit for so many times, his throat hurt so much and it was so hard to just breath. After the gagging fits he realized that he was jabbing his fingers into Billy’s muscled arms. Billy seemed to notice this : 

“Don’t worry you don’t hurt me” He said holding the poor boy, too afraid he could collapse anytime soon. 

“I think you should take something like a medicine for this stomach ache” Steve just looked at him with puppy eyes.

“I have – something – for the – stomach, I keep it – in the drawer – in the bedside table” He said panting. Billy checked and found different orange bottles, but only one wasn’t  
empty. 

“You took all these in these month ?” Billy asked in disbelieving. Steve just nodded, too embarrassed to say anything. 

Billy offered him a glass of water with the pill, Steve shallowed it dry and then drank the glass.

“You should go home now” He said tiredly.

“I’m not going anywhere !” Billy asserted. 

“What ? But your family wouldn’t be upset ?”

“Oh don’t worry my father doesn’t give a fuck about me and if I don’t come back for the weekend he would just be happy !”

“What about Max ? She told me you have been a good brother to her lately”

“I just called her, she is really worried about you” Billy sighed.

“You told her !?!?” Steve asked alarmed.

“No ! She just understood it because I used your home phone to call her, she recognised the number…” Billy said a bit ashamed.

“You didn’t told her that I …”

“No I didn’t say why, I’ll keep it a secret” Steve watched him with sad eyes.

“Thanks” He whispered, but Billy heard him anyway.

“You should go to sleep ! You need rest” 

“I’ll just wash the bucket…” He said a in a lot of embarrass. Billy understood the reason why, he was feeling ashamed about throwing up in front of him, showing himself so weak and fragile. So he just nodded. Steve slowly got up and went in the bathroom with the bucket, which he hardly held. Billy just watched how fatigued he seemed even doing all the simplest movement like walking; he was gasping already for climbing out of the bed. He came back supporting himself on the wall, but he would have collapsed on the hard floor if Billy hadn’t caught him. 

“Just take it easy, now you are really sick !” Billy said while putting Steve under the blankets.

He took off his jeans and climbed in the bed near the anorexic boy. 

“What are you doing ?” Steve asked a bit confused.

“I’ll keep you warm or you will die from hypothermia even with all these blankets on ! Now come closer or you will fall out of the edge !” Billy said with a joking tone, Steve laughed a bit but it turned out more like a coughing attack.

“Goodnight” Steve whispered.

“Goodnight to you too !” Billy replied. He thought he wouldn’t have catch a lot of sleep, but to his surprise he just fell asleep straight away.

Billy was the first one to wake up, Steve was all curled up against his chest, like a cat. He smiled when touching his cheek it felt warmer than the other day. Steve stirred.

“Good morning princess !” Billy greeted him.

“Good…” Steve tried to reply, but a cough attack cut him off. He sat up because it felt like choking, it was becoming painful and he couldn’t breathe at all. Billy sat up watching the other’s struggle.

“Steve ! Hey ! Steve !” he asked while massaging his back, even if it felt horrible feeling all the bones. The cough was hard, but in some way Steve managed to stop the fit. But at the end of it he was out of breath and probably he would have collapsed there for hours if Billy hadn’t took him and pulled him towards his chest.

“You scare the shit out of me” 

“Sorry” Steve said, but it came out more like whine.

“Let’s go have breakfast” Billy said after Steve seemed to regain some energy.

Billy climbed out of the bed and dressed himself then turned to Steve and helped him get out of the bed, he took his skeletal hand and pulled him up. 

“You think you can stomach some toasted bread ?” Steve paled at the idea of eating, but he just nodded slightly. 

“Alright !”

Billy helped Steve descend the stairs, supporting him because he was already heaving. They arrived in the kitchen, Billy started to cook the bread in a pan while Steve just looked into nothingness, he seemed afraid of the food, even at the mention of breakfast had paled a bit. 

“Can you please don’t put any butter on the bread ?” He asked.

“If I don’t put anything it will burn !” Billy replied knowing why he had asked such a thing. 

He put six slices in a plate and started to fry some eggs. Steve seemed scared and this preoccupied Billy. He wasn’t a psychologist and he didn’t know how to help him in a mental way, but he was sure that Steve needed some kind of emotional support. 

When he had finally finished cooking he put the plates in front of Steve.

“Eat please” He said gently. 

After some time Steve said :

“I haven’t eaten bread since last month” He said a bit embarrassed. Billy choked on his slice.

“What ? Seriously ? And what did you ate ?” He said with a concerning voice.

“Well a lot of salads, apples and …” He stopped thinking.

“And ?”

“… just that” He admitted.

“God Steve ! How did you manage to do all the practice of Basketball ?”

Steve stayed silent, Billy was worrying over him. He had never thought that his bully would have become his saviour/nurse/friend. They ate while speaking about their favourite basketball players, mostly Billy because Steve still felt embarrassed about the whole situation.

The day passed by with all the homework they had to do, Steve still struggling to keep himself warm and Billy disliking too much English literature.  
The principal thought of Billy was making Steve eat more. He always kept an eye over the boy, never leaving him alone specially in the bathroom, he leaned on the door to hear if he was retching on purpose, but it never happened. Still Steve was having troubles with his stomach which wouldn’t leave him in pace even while studying. Billy had mentally pin up how Steve was always with an hand on his tummy and how his face contorted sometime because of the ache. Even the pills didn’t helped him a lot, probably he had used too many of them and now his body didn’t reacted at the cure anymore, Billy thought. 

They had passed so much time together, Billy was discovering a part of Steve that he had never seen before. He had found out so many things that they had in common. He had seen the Steve Max told him about, the funny, reckless, stupid, caring, mature but at the same time still childish Steve. Nobody at school had never acknowledged him more than a fool, a stupid guy, a bullshit. He had been their king but nobody had never really known him. Steve was a different person as all his classmates had described him. The only thing that had stuck Billy was how emotionally fragile he was. He was procuring himself so many troubles… for example the eating fact. Well Billy admitted with grief that he had really exaggerated, he had said all that bad things because he wanted the Title of King. But now he understood that Steve didn’t wanted all that shit. He was more mature than others could have thought, something had changed him. Something bad, like a trauma Billy thought, but couldn’t really answer to that.

The next week was the last one before Christmas holydays, they had to go to school just Monday and Tuesday. The weekend passed by in a moment, but Steve was showing really bad signs. On Sunday morning he had woke up rasp coughing attack, when Billy had tried to help he had just showed him off saying that he was fine. In the afternoon the situation hadn’t improved.

“You sure you are ok ?” Billy asked concerned.

“Yeah” Steve replayed. He was sweating a lot even if he didn’t felt hot. 

They were in the kitchen trying to study math. His throat was killing him, it was dry and rasp. He needed some water, but when he got up the room started to spin all around and in a second he was hitting the floor. 

“Steve ! Hey, can you hear me ? Steve ?” Billy touched his forehead.

“Fuck ! You are burning up !” He had carried the anorexic boy in the bed and placed an ice bag on his face for cooling down the fever. He had stayed near him holding the skeletal hand. 

The fever hadn’t gotten down since that. Billy was scared because this meant that his body was, in the end, shutting down. He had took a cold. In a confused state induced by the temperature Steve couldn’t even muster the force to get up from the bed. He muttered strange words like demo-something, the kids names and things like : run, go back, stay behind me or save yourself. It felt like he had gone to hell, one time and the fever had brought back the horrible memories. 

He didn’t eat anything and according to Billy this was aggravating his already serious condition. Billy couldn’t go to school on Monday because he didn’t felt secure to leave a very sick, bedridden person all by himself. What if something had happened ? What if Steve had another crisis ? What if the fever had gotten worse ?

On Monday Billy had decided to wake Steve every few hour to make him eat something like rice or bread that should give him some energies. Unfortunately Steve was so weak that Billy had to feed him because he kept falling asleep or losing consciousness between the mouthfuls. The temperature started to break down on Wednesday, when outside had started snowing again.

Billy was thinking about his family or better about Max. He had called her every day to update the care of Steve, but soon, on Friday, it would have been Christmas and he had caught himself thinking how to spend it. He had never really celebrate the festivity since the death of his mother, but this year he was feeling like she was with him. Maybe taking care of Steve, was reminding him how he used to look after his mum. 

On Thursday late afternoon, Billy was sat on the bed with his mind in the clouds, he hadn’t even noticed that Steve had woke up and was currently staring at him.

“What’s trouble you so much ?” He asked, Billy seemed surprised to hear his feeble voice.

“Nothing” Billy lied.

“You should go home” He said getting up from the bed. Billy showed him back to the bed in a too harsh way because Steve wailed. 

“Sorry” Billy said with concern. “I didn’t mean to”

“Please Billy, go home. Max need you and it’s Christmas !” Steve said without looking at him.

“Steve ? What are you saying ?”

“Billy please I don’t want to ruin your Christmas, I know that Max wanted to pass it with you ! Don’t delude her !”

“I don’t want to leave you alone”

“I’ll be fine !” Billy looked him like he was searching for something. Then he sighed.

“We both know that it’s a lie”

“I swear to you that I will be ok by myself !” Billy remained silent. 

“Go to Max, she was waiting this moment for so long” Steve continued.

“I will come back in the night” He got up and exited the room collecting all his things.

“Billy !” Steve shouted. Billy turned back. “Say Happy Christmas to Max for me”

“Of course !” Billy smiled, he didn’t turned back again or he known he would have stayed. The sight of Steve’s body had a strange effect on him. 

Billy drove home, his father wasn’t there luckily or he was sure he would have beaten him up. Max was helping Susan to cook. After he helped to decorate the tree they had bought a week before. Max was asking him all sort of things, maybe she was trying to distract him from his concerns.  
He slept in his bed without a skinny boy near him, even if his image wasn’t going out of his head. He didn’t needed to worry about the wrong breathing of him, he hadn’t to constantly check how low or high his temperature was, he didn’t have to massage his back every time he had a cough attack. His bony back.  
Then why he couldn’t sleep ? Why he wasn’t feeling like before ? Like he was with his mother again ? Yet he had to admit that Max was like a ray of sunshine in the dark forest that was his broken family. She was like him a lot. But Steve… Well Steve was something else, he was air, he was the only interesting person in Hawkins, he was the reason why Billy didn’t wanted so bad to go back in California. 

At Christmas his father returned in time for the lunch that Susan and Max had prepared. Max had told him that he had went out for work the same day he had went to help Steve so he didn’t know about his absence. He gave Max his present, it was the latest skateboard model. She was so out of herself for the happiness !  
In the afternoon he had took her at the park near the school to play with the bunch of the kids with the fresh snow, that had fell the previous day. Billy had seen Lucas looking towards him in a scared way. He had decided to apologise to him, explaining that his father had been really angry for the absence of Max at home and that Billy was afraid that something bad was happening in a house like that with all little kids and a still healthy Steve Harrington as a guard. They had never explained him what had happened that night. Lucas had accepted his apologies, and Billy had felt lighter than before. Still he hadn’t felt the same sensation that when he was with Steve. He just passed the remaining time watching melancholically the kids snow fight. 

After dinner his father had went out again because this period was full of engagements. He had waited for his car to disappear from his sight. He had watched him from the window. Then he had collected a few things in a bag and told to Max that he was going to Steve’s again, and to Susan that he would have spent some days to a friend as she cared where he was. 

Steve hadn’t celebrate Christmas, he had called Dustin because his mum had invited him over for the lunch, but of course he couldn’t accept. Dustin had sounded sad and worried, but Steve had told him that the first day of school after the holydays he would have accepted to play D&D with them to make it up for all the things he hadn’t done with them because of the anorexia. The kid had screamed for the joy. 

Steve hadn’t cooked or eaten anything, apart from a toasted slice of bread and an apple for not fainting again. It was still difficult to stay up for long periods, he got dizzy after few minutes. He was always out of breath, to support himself he leaned on walls, chairs, tables, everything that stayed more right than him. He had watched a boring Christmas film on the television, he was missing Billy. He realised that he actually was looking forward to see him again. 

It was late when he decided to take a shower. He got up from the sofa and went towards the stairs, he had grew tired all of a sudden that he would have laid down and start to sleep immediately. Descending the stairs that morning had seemed hard, but now he had to go up and it felt like climbing the Everest. His body was still pretty weak from the malnutrition and from the high fever that had nocked him out. At the top of the stairs his legs were shaking bad. He stopped catching his breath. He took some clean clothes and then he went in the bathroom and slowly undressed. It was really cold without his sweater.  
He walked in the shower, at least the water was hot. He let it run down his body, it felt good, he closed his eyes. He remained like that for some minutes, but then he started to feel lightheaded. He shook the feeling off and started to wash his hairs with the shampoo. Rinsing was really hard, lifting his arms so high for so long was making him breathless. At the end he closed the water, he wanted to get out of the shower, but he couldn’t his body just gave out and he fell down. He thought to hear a car engine coming near, but everything went black before he could reason more. He already felt cold without the running hot water of the shower on him. 

Billy came in the house. There were a light on in the kitchen, but Steve was nowhere to be seen. Billy called for him, but nobody answered. He climbed the stairs. Steve wasn’t even in his bedroom, so Billy went to look for him in the bathroom.  
What he found made him have an heart attack. Steve was passed out in the shower. He was naked, shivering and wet, like he had just finished to wash himself. He took some towels to dry him, seeing a starved body for entire it was shocking. He remember the tonic, muscled body of Steve in the showers just a few months ago, how could he reduce himself like this ? How haven’t Billy noticed sooner ? How far did he have to go for making somebody notice the situation he was in ?  
Billy was desperate, after drying him as much as he could, he took the boy and carried him on the bed. His head lolled back, he was out. Billy just hoped that he hadn’t been like that for too long. He used the hairdryer for Steve’s hairs, they were long and soft, it felt good touching them. Then he took the clean clothes that he fund on the bed, probably Steve had put them there to change. It felt wrong dressing a boy of his same age, like a doll. Billy still didn’t believed how skinny the boy had become. He was so weak because he hadn’t any muscle left, the thought that he had ate himself, his own body, made Billy cringe worthy. The main concern for Billy was the possibility that wet like this Steve had caught an another cold, even his cough wasn’t improving, but staying like this wasn’t going to help with it. Steve didn’t wake up, so Billy decided just to get in the bed near him. He just watched Steve as he pulled the poor boy near him. He was so sick. 

When Billy was about to fall asleep, Steve stirred, opening tiredly his dulled eyes. He blinked not really focused, then he spotted Billy. His thin lips sagged, he smiled jaded.

“You came” He said with a faint voice. “You came”

“I’m here now, I won’t leave you alone never again !” Billy said stroking Steve still humid hairs. 

Probably Steve would have said something more but instead a fit of coughs came out. Billy just held him closer like he could protect the boy from all the pain he was in. 

“Steve, you need to take a medicine, you have another fever and who can’t fight it right now, come on I’ll help you”

Steve just coughed more, but stopped at some point. Billy went to the bathroom and returned with a glass of water an an aspirin. He lifted Steve head up and forced the pill in Steve lips and then the glass. Steve drank and shallow three times then he had to breath and he choked a bit. Billy pulled away the glass immediately. When Steve stadied his breath, Billy just let him drink more. Steve welcomed the cool liquid, he was feeling so hot, he was sweating all over. After this he just passed out.

Billy watched over him all night, Steve had differents attacks of cough during it. They were strong and it was obvious that his airways were constricted. Around four in the morning, the fever started to go down, but it was still too high.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve didn’t woke up that morning, but Billy decided to do it for giving him his medicine and some food too. He was sure that the boy hadn’t eaten anything when he was out. 

When he went down in the kitchen, he didn’t know what to do. He was sure that Steve couldn’t, in this state, eat something solid. All he could think of was porridge. 

When he was done he shook Steve by the skeletal shoulder, he woke up after sometime. It was obvious that Steve wasn’t really coscient, he blinked slowly still feverish. 

“Come on Steve, now I’ll lift you up and you just have to shallow, ok ?”

“Bil- ?... oh, no….no food” Billy was sad to hear that from him. Steve still thought that he was fat and in need to starve himself. Why would this be so hard for him to understand that he was going to die, if he kept doing it ?

“No Steve, you already passed the health limit, come on I made your breakfast myself, ok ?” 

Steve continued to moan and protest, but Billy just lifted him up. The sick boy found out that even if we wanted to move, his body wasn’t even responding. Billy put behind him differents pillows because Steve couldn’t even stay sitting upright, his head lolling on a side. His head felt so heavy.

“Come on Steve” Billy said looking at him.

He took half a spoon of the already little porridge and tried to feed Steve, but the boy was clenching his lips tight.

“Please Steve, you can’t go on like this, I don’t know what to do if you keep this wall up”

“You… just….want...to…..make...me….fat”

After that frase, Billy just wanted to leave. But he was sure that if he did it, Steve would have died for sure. He could see that Steve wasn’t really there, the fever was burning his brain and all he could think of was his normal routine without food. Billy calmed himself, he just needed to be patient until he hadn’t a cold anymore, so that reasoning with a person with an important eating disorder wouldn’t be so useless. He needed to buy time.

“Ok, if you don’t want to eat with your mouth I’ll take you to the Hospital, so that they can put a feeding tube into your stomach and you will be fed like a old sick man that can’t swallow anymore !”

Billy shouted, but he didn’t mean it, he finished it with tears in his eyes. Steve just stared, stunned, with wide eyes. Billy was actually suffering for him, he was feeling all the pain that his bully was in.

“No...Billy...please….stop….I’ll...I’ll” He paused.

“I’ll… eat”

“Ok fine, but if you keep this up, I have no other choice to bring you to Hospital for real, because you...I can’t help you without you helping me !”

Billy tried to feed him again and this time Steve opened his mouth and swallowed. Billy smiled a bit, maybe threatening Steve with the Hospital, was something that he could use when the boy still put up a wall.

Billy forced all the food in Steve mouth, still waiting for the other to took his good time to chew and swallow. He noticed the grimace Steve had at every spoon, it was like he was feeling pain, well emotional pain. Then Billy gave him the pill and made him drink as much water as he could. Steve had sweated all night with the cold he had caught, he was surely dehydrated.

“No...more” Steve choke out.

“You need to drink, it will make you feel better”

Steve finished the big glass, and then he drifted out in a deep, fever induced, sleep. Billy just watched how frantic seemed his breath and the constant falling of his chest. He didn’t wanted to leave his side, but he needed to do others things. 

The morning went smoothly, Billy prepared the lunch and then went to Steve room for watching over the poor boy. Suddenly an idea came to his mind. He went in the bathroom and heated up the tub. His mother had always told him that a bath is good when you are sick, and Steve seemed to need some help. When the bathtub was filled with hot water, he went to wake Steve.

“Steve, it’s bath time !”

The other didn’t moved, Billy took a better look. There was vomit dried on his mouth and more fresh one was all splattered on the pillow too. 

“Fuck !”

Billy turned Steve body and more vomit came out of his mouth.

“Fuck ! Fuck ! Fuck !”

He put two fingers in Steve mouth to make sure that there wasn’t anything left that could have choked him. Steve couched, but didn’t wake up. 

“Steve ! Oi ! Can you hear me ?” But the boy didn’t responded. At least he was breathing freely, nothing had gone into the airways.

Billy carried him to the bathroom and undressed him on the floor. Steve was pale and dirt with vomit on his face and his sweater. He kneeled down setting Steve in bathtub, but the boy didn’t stood upright. Billy had to hoist his head on his shoulder while he place his arms around the thin chest for not letting him fall and drown. With the other hand he cleaned what was left of Steve body, just bones. The fact that he had throw up even in his sleep, was a bad sign. Billy just hoped that by leaving him upright after a meal, he would not retch. They stayed like that for some time, then Steve wailed and opened his eyes meeting Billy’s ones. 

“Steve ?”

The boy didn’t seemed to know how to speak, his eyes kept looking around, like he was wondering where he was.

“I found you in the bed, you puked while you were sleeping”

Steve didn’t moved, but he realised that was actually naked, he tried to hide his low parts, but moving was so stressful. Billy watched him.

“Nothing that I hadn’t already saw” 

They stayed like that for a long time, till the hot water started to do its work and make Steve fell better. Now he could move in the bathtub, still with difficulty, but at least without Billy’s help. 

“Ready to get out ?”

Steve just nodded. 

“Ok… I’ll take the chair of your desk so you can sit there”

When Billy returned with the chair, he lifted up Steve, who was a dead lightweight and made him sit. Steve tried to dry himself, but bending his back and lifting his arms was making him dizzy and nauseated. Billy stayed in the bathroom, because he didn’t wanted to leave Steve alone anymore, it was too dangerous. He watched the struggle of the other, but was afraid to help him because it seemed that Steve didn’t wanted to be helped at all. Just when he bended too much to dry his feet and was about to fall down, Billy caught him. 

“I can’t even wash myself !” Steve was frustrated to the maximum. He hated this actual condition, just two or three weeks ago, he went to run and now he had to be helped even to stand. He punched with all the anger he had the tiled wall. The white tile was crimison now. 

"Whoa ! Stop it ! What are you doing ?!" Billy shouted worried, he took Steve hands before the boy could have punched something else.

"Leave me !" Steve tried to break free, but he was so exhausted and Billy was so strong.

"No if you want to hurt yourself even more ! Now let me see your hand !" 

"It's just a scrach !"

Billy moved Steve's hand so that he could look closely at it. It was just a cut, but it was bleeding a lot. He sighed.

"Why are you hurting yourself like this ?" Steve stayed silent.

"Why you keep on hurting yourself more and more ? I don't understand you ! Please Why you hate yourself so much ?" 

"Nothing of your buisness !" Steve coughed for the effort.

“Can I ask you something ? Just one question !” Billy suddenly said.

“Why you are still putting a wall with me ?”

Steve was surprised by the question, he was about to answer that it was obvious, but what was obvious ? 

“I…” He stopped because he didn't know the answer. Why Billy was messing up with him like this ?

“We had already spent moments together that somebody could call private moments, but it seems that you are still afraid of me. I know that it’s hard for you to trust your bully, but now I don’t want to make fun of you, I want to help you get out of this shit, this hell that I put you in !” The last part was hard to be spoken, but Steve needed to hear all the regret that he was feeling everyday, every hour, every second now. 

“I don’t know Billy, I just keep watching myself and all I could see is fat… maybe I’m too broken to be fixed” Steve admitted with the head in his hands.

“No ! It’s not true ! I know that you are stronger than this ! I know that you can do this, I can help you ! The first time that I saw you, I knew that you were a strong person and I wanted to beat you so much, but I would never be like you ! You are much better than me !” Billy had opened his heart to Steve, he now pretended that the boy did the same. Mot because he needed it, he needed to admit that he had a problem, a serious one, he needed to admit that he was anorexic !

“I’m not better than you ! What the fuck are you thinking ? Look at me ! Look at me, Billy ! How can you even imagine that I could be better than you ? I’m just a pathetic boy, who can’t even stand up for himself. I...I...I don’t have even the balls to eat ! I’m such a waste ! I’m good at nothing as my father always say to me, I wouldn’t believe him, but now I can understand” Steve cried and sobbed.

“Steve ! How can you say things like that ? You are a good basketball player, you care about the kids, you helped Max too, you are a selfless person ! I’m the one that doesn’t have the balls to say that I made fun of you just because I envied you so much ! And now that I started to know you better, I can’t stop thinking about you ! But still I haven’t found the courage to say that I like you !!!” Billy didn’t mean to say all that things, they were his deep secrets. 

Both the boys remained frozen, Billy red for the shame, Steve shocked from the other words.

“You like….me ?”

“I…..yes I like you….a lot” Billy confessed.

“But….you could have every girl you want”

“I like you because we have so many things in common even if before of this I didn’t know, you remember me of my mum a lot, you are just like her for the personality I mean…”

They stayed silent.

“You don’t have to say…” Billy was cut off.

“I don’t like you” Steve said all in a breath. Billy’s heart was breaking…

“I think that I might love you” Steve said. Billy let out a gasp.

“Really ?”

“I mean you have been a really dick, but then you started to worry about me and it was like you were a completely different person ! I started to feel emotions for you even if I knowed that you were the one that was calling me Fat all the times ! Even if I really didn’t wanted to have feeling towards you, I can’t deny that I feel something for you that’s completely different from every feeling I had”

“I’m really sorry for being a jerk with you ! I’m an asshole ! I think that I was just trying to get your attention…”

They had been sincere towards each other, and it felt good. Steve started to cough again, so Billy moved closer.

“I’ll help you, because if you stay like this you won’t get any better”

He helped him with the towel, and when it was time to put the clothes on he asked :

“Do you think that you can stand for sometime ?”

“Oh...I...don’t know !” he lied, it was obvious that he would have fell down.

“I think it’s better if you let help me with your clothes too”

Steve just nodded. Billy instructed him to raise his skinny arms for the jersey, when it came time for the pants he asked Steve to hold himself on Billy’s shoulders while he would have lifted him and the trousers with his hands. It was strange to have Steve hugging him, their bodies touching, even if they had been sleeping together for days now.

“Hold tight on me !”

“I’ll try”

“No really, I have my arms already engaged with your pants ! Don’t fall over !”

“Where did you learned this ?” 

“Back in Cali, I saw how a nurse helped my mum get dressed when she was recovered at the hospital… and it had stuck in my head since then”

“Sorry”

“I had never thought that one day I would have done the same with somebody….” Billy omitted the ‘that I love’ part of his frase.

Steve was resting his head on his shoulder, but hearing all that from Billy Hargrove was shocking ! He didn’t know why he did that, his body just moved on his own. He kissed Billy on the mouth really softly. Billy stopped, wide eyes.

“Steve, I’m not good for you….you...I will just hurt you like I already did !”

“I know that it’s a lie, you are taking care of me ! You are always here when I’m too dizzy to do the simplest things on my own ! You care !”

“But I’m a jerk too and sooner or later I will hurt you and I don’t want to make you suffer !”

“You won’t make me suffer, I can read that in your eyes ! You where sincere when you said that you liked me, or otherwise you would have already gone hanging out with Tommy and all the basketball team ! Instead you are here, taking care of the mess that I am ! How could you hurt me without hurting yourself ?”

“Are you ok with someone like me ?...I don’t have anything to give to you, and beside I’m a very cruel man”

Billy raised his eyes just to met Steve’s smile.

“I’ve always known that ! You care and I think I might love you !”

“I love you too Steve !”

At this point Billy just kissed him, this time longer and with passion. 

“I love you and I don’t want to see you like this anymore ! Having you by my side is all I wish for !”

Billy carried him in the bedroom, remembering just in that moment about the vomit on the sheets. He put Steve on the desk chair and started to change the sheets. They spoke freely, but Billy noticed that Steve seemed in discomfort.

“You ok ?”

“Yeah…..no”

“You need to go to the bathroom ? You feeling sick ?”

“No, no it’s nothing like that…”

“Then what it is ?”

“....the chair….you know it hurts when you don’t have anything under….”

Billy hadn’t even thought about it, Steve hadn’t any fat or muscles left and he was just sitting on his skin and bones, and it hurts a lot ! His mother had the same problem, she had a chair at home where on top there was a big cushion that would have amortise the sitting.

“Oh I’m sorry I didn’t thought about it ! You want to put something under ?”

“No, no I can wait don’t worry, it’s ok !”

Billy changed the sheets as fast as he could, he wanted to take Steve down and make him eat something.

“Ok, all done ! Now we can go eat something ?”

Steve paled a bit, he really didn’t wanted to gain weight, but at the same time he wanted to go back when he could do all this things alone without the help of anybody. He wanted to be able to run again, play basketball and do all that things that now would have left him with an heavy breathing. He nodded in silence.

Billy brought him in the kitchen and put, one of the couch cushions, on a chair.

“Thanks”

“No problem ! Now what do you feel to eat ?”

“I….” Steve didn’t wanted to answer that question.

“Come on Steve ! You need to get better and kick my ass at basketball !” 

“You chose”

“Ok, let’s make rice !”

Steve was visibly traumatised about the thought of eating, he started shaking. Billy took his hands, trying to comfort him.

“Come on Steve ! I know you can do this ! We are just going to eat and I can eat twice your amount so that you can be sure that I’ve always eat more than you ! But please eat !” Billy begged.

“Ok…. you sure I’m not fat ?” 

“God Steve no ! You are a skeleton, you are the contrary of fat ! Please if I can do something to make you understand how skinny and unhealthy you are, tell me ! I’m here for you !”

“I don’t know…. everytime I see my reflection it’s so big that I just can’t stay in the frame at all… you sure I’m not fat ?”

“No and you had never been ! Ask me that question all the time that you want, but my answer would always be No ! Come on, let’s eat something !”

Billy prepared the meal while Steve just stayed seated. Billy tried to make Steve talk, at first it was just him, but then he kind of conquered Steve. 

When the plate was put in front of Steve, he just kept staring at it. Billy moved next to him and embraced the poor boy in a tight hug.

“Please Steve, you need to eat. I’m here and nothing will happen to you, ok ? Just take a bite, I’m sure you are starving !”

In fact Steve was really hungry, but that sensation had followed him in the last months so it was kind of natural, normal for him.

“Please Steve ! I love you and seeing you like this because of me makes me ashamed of myself !”

Steve took all his courage and lifted the fork with some rice on it. He slowly put it in his mouth and swallowed it after chewing it for a moment. Billy’s face bright up.

“I’ll always be with you ! There is nothing to be afraid ! I love you ! Everything would be alright !”

They ate and for the first time in weeks Steve could finally enjoy a meal with someone. They spoke about sports, basketball at school, the kids, about everything. Billy was keeping Steve busy, in order not to make him think about calories and so on. He was happy to see that his lover was finally eating something more like a normal person, well it was still too little even for the normality, but it was a lot for that skinny frame. Billy probably ate three times more, but all he cared about now was the luck to have Steve all for himself.

The next days went on like that. Steve still had difficulties accepting the food, but at least he was eating constantly and looked healthier. Billy was always kissing him, he wanted to make Steve remember that he was there and that he loved him. They were happy, and it was all they needed for the moment. BIlly didn’t know how to cook, apart from a spartan way just to survive. But it wasn’t good for a sick and weak person like Steve. So they started to cook together, following a recipes book of Steve’s mum. It was also a perfect way to reeducate an anorexic person to food. At first they made absolutely disasters, but after some tries they started to get the hand of it. 

Billy was finally making it up with his mother. When it all happened he was just a child and he couldn’t helped her. Now he understood why his mother was always sleeping, why she kept locking herself up in the bathroom after a meal, why one day she had destroyed the bedroom mirror and so on. Steve was just like her. What really worried Billy was the end of the Christmas holiday : they had to go back to school and there it was easy that Steve would have messed himself up again. He didn’t have control of himself. Billy really needed to watch over him and make sure that he ate everyday without throwing it up. He was also afraid of Tommy’s behaviour, he was a dork and it was sure that he would continue the bullying thing with Steve. But Billy won’t let him hurt Steve again like that. That brunette with doe eyes was too important to Billy. If he had to give Tommy a lesson he will. He wasn’t even so sure that Steve could handle an entire school day, it was heavy. 

The worst part of the day was the night, they slept together, but even if Steve was doing alright, Billy couldn’t bring himself to sleep peacefully. His lover was immobile while dreaming, he seemed dead. Billy was afraid to just touch him, because he felt like glass. At the end of the day Steve was always so tired he would have fallen asleep in every position, and sometimes Billy had to carry him in the bed.

They had started to talk a lot even about deep things like the abusive father Billy had, the inexistent parents of Steve, the trauma of Billy losing his mother, Max and her mother, all about their secret life. 

Today it was the last day of vacation, Steve was already asleep next to him. They had agreed to have breakfast together then Steve would have gone to pick up the kids and Billy Max, they would have waited for each other in the parking lot of the school. After the lessons they would have had lunch together. Billy had even made a sandwich in case Steve didn’t wanted to eat at the canteen. Well the food there wasn’t really healthy. 

He went to sleep with just one thought in his mind : don’t mess up tomorrow !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it took me time to write it but I had a lot of exams and it was difficoult to write even because I'm currently coping with Steve's problem, not as drammatic as his !

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone ! This is my first fiction ever and it's kind of complicated to write it....  
> Sorry for not posting as often as I would, but living is complicated and I can't always find the needed time.  
> Comments and likes are really appreciated, but they are not a necessity ! But if you find mistakes or something turns up, please let me know so that I can fix it !  
> Thanks for everything !


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